Freedom in Relationships

Today, I am thinking about the concept of ‘Freedom’ in relationships. So many are cemented with issues of ownership and control. Ownership so subtly injected by the label of ‘my’ to husband, wife, child  etc, to the control that flows from this. If you are ‘my’ child you will do it my way and so on. When the life chapter arrives where a new commitment is the next potential, do we runaway to be free, or surrender to the enslavement that has been imbued in us as inevitable once we take that next step.

I believe there can be and is ‘freedom’ inside all relationships and all it takes is the awareness of how to claim it for ourselves and give it to the other.

If  I start at the very beginning and embrace the wonderful message from “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran – very much a favourite of mine – “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”  If this is understood and embraced in all it’s profundity then all relationships that flow from us will be imbued with a sense of freedom. Each of us is a unique experience of life and cannot be owned or controlled by another unless we give permission for that to happen. So, if we feel trapped, controlled or  possessed by the other in our relationship, we have given them the idea that we are not the owner of our own lives.

The reaction to this ultimate sense of frustration and suffocation is rebellion and anger, when in truth we can just re-claim ownership of our life and make new decisions from the new place of knowing.

Freedom is our natural state of being. Anything less will invoke anger and manipulation and even violence to gain back the freedom we know to be ours.

The easiest and fastest way to claim and practice freedom is to give it to others…. our children, friends, partners and even parents. In the practice of this giving we experience what it feels like and the result is it softens the fear of claiming it for ourselves. Give this a try and watch with amazement of the outcome.

Freedom is a gift of love, anything less is unloving.

As I stop at this point, there may be many questions or comments you wish to put forward. That’s great, because I am not wanting to give answers, but stimulate questions, as these are the seeds of new ‘choices’ and ‘change’.

Have fun playing with the idea of freedom in any and all of your current relationships. You will be the eventual winner in the endeavour.

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Being in relationships

This is my first ever blog and I am very excited about connecting with those who are looking for  anything that could make their relationships better.I became a Personal Counsellor 15 years ago after 20+ years of being a High School Art teacher. I am fortunate to be able to say that I loved both of these careers. Along with marriage, children, stepchildren, foster-children and all the other relationship experiences, that life has brought to my door I have gleaned knowledge. Add my desire to know more that had me reading, listening and traveling to workshops around the world and you have me as I am today. I feel I am gaining this magical thing called wisdom and I love to share this with those who would ask or join me.

Being In Relationships

I see that we are always in relationship with someone. We are someone’s child , sibling, friend, partner, lover, cousin, student, teacher, customer, confidant etc. An unending list that changes within moments or years. It fascinates me to play with all these roles and seek creative solutions to finding harmony and fun in whichever relationship is currently in the moment.

How can I enjoy these experiences and stay true to me?

Who am I as I dance between these ever changing persona ?

Who is the ‘other’ that I am dancing with now and then and later and before?

Am I the label that I apply to me, or am I the label they apply to me?

I am enjoying exploring who I am and who I want to be and become. I see these ‘others’ as my guides and teachers in my personal exploration of me and this leads me ever back to my rediscovery of ME in my ever changing and evolving dance with Life.

Whew! This sounds all a bit surreal.

Well why does it so often look and feel like it is a war of wills or a battle for control or a juggling of hierarchy?

That’s not fun and I think it can be. So, if you want to join me, play with me or dance with me I would like that.

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