What is this thing called “Blame”?

For most, freedom as I espouse it is an impossible dream when it comes to relationships. It is tainted with ideas of betrayal and hurt. Well I hope you are recognizing that I place a high value on “freedom” within the experiences of relationships. This thread will be woven into all the aspects I am exploring. It is never put to one side whilst another idea or aspect takes over. It underlies all the discussions I am sharing. From my understanding anything less than freedom is also less than loving in its fullest potential.

The game played between freedom and possessiveness and control is the stress we feel in so much of our lives via our relationships.

In the arena where I play my daily game of being ‘me’, weaving in and out of the space of the ‘others’, how much of my thinking and speaking is clothed in this language of excuses, justification and blame? It slips in so easily when I am not paying attention and it is so irritating and definitely not uplifting to my energy.

Of course there is always an ‘other’ for there to be a relationship. This ‘other’ can be present in my physical space or be present in my head space but not in my physical space.  It may even be a deceased parent, teacher, relative, friend or God.

Chatter , chatter, chatter.. “Who is occupying my mind rent free?

Who am I explaining myself to, justifying my actions to or blaming for my decisions or lack of them?

I can’t do that because ‘so and so’ wouldn’t like it.

I have to leave now or else ‘so and so’ will be upset.

I can’t say this because what will ‘so and so’ think?

What sort of relationships do I have when I am constantly editing my choices and decisions to align with these mythical ‘others’? Well definitely not a joyous and rich one.

I am aware that what others think of me is none of my business and my business is to be true to myself and focus on what I think of me. Yet, my habit of sifting my choices and decisions through the myriad of ‘others’ and their opinions of me acts like a ball and chain on my life,. Hardly this joyous freedom I espouse.

So, I practice paying attention to this habit and commit to practicing making my decisions on how I see me in the experience. Nothing else matters! And when I achieve this free expression of Who I Am, it’s really easy to allow the ‘other’ the same freedom to do and choose as best works for them. Can you feel the freedom from the weight of justification and explanation? Can you feel the total absence of any blame because someone else wouldn’t, doesn’t, may not like my choice?

I can only bring these constrictive ingredients into my life and choices if I give the ‘other’ control or power over my life. And as I am suggesting through this dialogue, it suffocates and strangles the love from my relationships when I do this. And the next impact is, it fosters resentment, bitterness and anger on both sides.

A reminder that I use the term ‘other’ because there are so many that we have relationships with on a daily basis. This ‘other’ is sometimes even include our pets. We can blame them too for a lack of freedom to make the choices we would dearly like to make – if it weren’t for them.

I will conclude this episode with a lovely story that occurred with my three year old granddaughter. She and I were playing together, and she was to me – being completely herself and utterly adorable. So, I said to her, “You are so gorgeous that I just want to eat you up.” She turned and looked at me and said, “No, you go and make a sandwich.”

Now I hope you can see what an amazing, powerful answer that is in the light of this topic.

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