Today I spent the morning gardening, and in this space with myself, I am listening to my self talk. I am having a relationship with me. I often recognize this and am aware in situations like gardening, where time is of little consequence and the task is all consuming except for the inner dialogue I am having with me. How loving is this dialogue? How much of it is admiring and affirming and complementary of Who I am? Am I telling myself things that make me feel good, or stressed, or grumpy, or uplifted, or fearful? Actually today it was a bit of all of these.
We’ve all probably heard that we have to learn to love ourselves before we can love another. So, how much credence do we give to this idea? Lately I have upped the attention to this idea. It has been rather uncomfortable and confronting to say the least. Why don’t I love myself more? Why don’t I love myself, full stop? I have consciously and overtly been in the arena of personal development for over 25 years and still the Self Love has a lot to be desired. I have overcome the fear of being alone, because I no longer describe it like that. I am over the idea that having no-one else with me means I am alone. I now know that I have myself to be with and my Unseen or non-physical self and friends. If that is not a joyful thought, then the self love is in trouble.
So, in upping the attention of being with me I am taking more notice of how I am having a relationship with me. Do I listen to myself? Do I argue with myself? Do I criticize myself? Do I encourage myself? Do I humour myself? Do I nag myself? Do I take care of myself? Do I judge myself? Do I put myself down? Do I complement myself? DO I LOVE MYSELF? …. Am I a fun person to be with for a few hours? (considering I am with me every moment of my life in reality).
Because whatever I am doing to and with myself, I am probably doing to and with my friends and significant ‘Others’… and that describes my version of relationship.
Currently, today as I was gardening, I was OK. Not brilliant, but OK, and I want to be better than OK. I left my garden liking the difference I made in the time I spent, knowing the tasks are never ending, as is my journey of self love. A bit of pruning and weeding and fertilizing and watering and nurturing etc. A great metaphor for my task of loving self. And I know that as I give my attention to this task, all my other relationships will improve.
So, after this time of writing on this topic, I go back and read my other blogs, reminding myself and checking in on the freedoms and the blaming and make the commitment to weed out the bits that are unloving and fertilize and nourish the bits that need attention, with the intention of having a more alive, vibrant and beautiful relationship with me.
I hope this might stimulate you to take some time to view your own relationship with you and maybe encourage you to do some self gardening too. Let me know if there are some revelations you want to share and give feedback. Let’s up this self love and see the ripples it causes in all our other relationships.
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